Lost In Music – 20 ‘forgotten’ pop classics

2013 was the year when Tegan & Sara’s pop gem, ‘Heartthrob’, struggled to pass the 10,000 UK sales mark (despite a discounted selling price, the girls in the country for tour dates & a single - ‘I Was A Fool’ - on heavy rotation at Radio 2) while Emeli Sande’s hit-filled, bland-fest, ‘Our Version Of Events’, breezed past 2 million UK sales - let’s take a look at 20 more ‘lost’ pop classics from the past 30 years...

1 – Holly Valance – State Of Mind – Nov 2003

 UK Chart position: No. 60 – 2 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 24,981

The 2002 debut album ‘Footprints’ was an instant success for the former ‘Neighbours’ actress.  Containing the number one single ‘Kiss Kiss’ (the saucy ‘peek-a-boo’ nudity of the promo video had  turned the song into a massive international hit in May of that year) and the number two follow-up ‘Down Boy’, the album debuted inside the UK Top 10 in October eventually selling over 160.000 copies in the UK. Keen to maintain momentum, the follow up was recorded within a year and was preceded by the favourably received title track, ‘State Of Mind’ (No.8 in November 2003). The album contained song-writing and production credits from Mark Taylor, who’s Metro Production team were riding high after their work with Cher (‘Believe’), Enrique (‘Hero’) and Kylie (‘On A Night Like This’), Rick Nowels (Belinda Carlisle, Kim Wilde), Steve Anderson (Brothers In Rhythm) and dance producer Stuart Crichton (Kylie, Sugababes). Compared with the sultry but ‘sunny’ Euro-pop of her debut, the sound was far more experimental and a considerably ‘darker’ mix of retro 80’s synth-pop and a more mainstream take on the emerging electro-clash sound that was delivering critical acclaim, but not Top 10 success, for the likes of Goldfrapp and Ladytron. Within one month Girls Aloud released a similarly ‘flavoured’ cover of The Pointer Sister’s ‘Jump’ (No.2 in November 2003), which would act as a sound template for the majority of their future output, reinvigorate their career and setting them on an unbroken run of 20 Top 10 singles and 5 Platinum selling albums.

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 1.25%

2 – Siobhan Donaghy – Ghosts – May 2007

UK Chart position: No.92 – 1 week on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 8,851

The solo career of the former Sugababe had gotten off to a far from auspicious start. After jumping ship in 2000 after the release of debut album ‘One Touch’ (and setting in motion the ‘revolving door’ recruitment policy that would end with the eventual reformation of the original line-up as Mutya Keisha Siobhan in early 2013), Siobhan was signed as a solo artist and released ‘Revolution In Me’ on London Records in September 2003. The album peaked at No. 117 and she was subsequently dropped by the label. Donaghy spent the next couple of years writing, and eventually recording in a studio near Barneville-Carteret, France, with producer James Sanger. The songs were recorded independently and licensed to Parlaphone Records, who eventually issued the resulting album in June 2007 following the relative failure of the singles ‘Don’t Give It Up’ (No. 45 in April 2007) and ‘So You Say’ (No. 76 in June 2007). The album received predominantly positive reviews and stands as a heady mix of left-field pop – drawing comparison to its main influences such as Elizabeth Fraser / The Cocteau Twins, Kate Bush and Bjork - and the then fashionable laid-back dance grooves (akin to the likes of Morcheeba and Moloko).  Stand-out tracks include ‘So You Say’ which echoes the laid-back swagger of All Saint’s ‘Pure Shores’ and ‘Medevac’,  icy cool electronics mixed with soaring, ethereal vocals that bring to mind Florence Welsh, Kate Bush and Bjork’s ‘Big Time Sensuality’.

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 0.44%

3 – Frazier Chorus – Sue – May 1989

UK Chart position: No .56 – 1 week on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 1,396 (Cherry Red re-issue)

Signed initially to the independent 4AD label (home to Cocteau Twins, Dead Can Dance and The Pixies) in 1987, the Brighton four-piece would eventually release their debut album on Virgin Records in the spring of 1989. The album was preceded by two quirky, but radio friendly slices of pop perfection, ‘Dream Kitchen’ and ‘Typical’, neither of which broke the UK Top 50 Singles Chart, but which effectively epitomise their lyrical humour and melancholia, coupled with sing-a-long melodies and ‘arty’ instrumentation (there were relatively few singles that year that contained an oboe solo in the middle of the track).  The songs are a curious mix of Morrissey at his most lyrically whimsical (‘Hairdresser On Fire’, ‘Cemetery Gates’) and Pet Shop Boys at their Alan Bennett-esque, sardonic best (‘Rent’, ‘Being Boring’), existing as the ‘missing link’ that helped turn The Housmartins into The Beautiful South (who were, at the time ‘Sue’ was released, enjoying the first of their, subsequent seven, Top 5 albums).

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 0.075%

4 - Rachel Stevens – Come & Get It – Oct 2006

UK Chart position: No.28 – 4 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 27,029

Following on from a hugely successful career with S Club 7 (11 consecutive Top 5 singles and 4 Top 20 albums), Rachel Stevens was the only member of the group to sign a solo deal with the groups label, Polydor Records. Presumably no-one from the production team had actually told the label that is was Jo O’Meara’s vocals which had been the most prominent voice on the majority of the group’s output!  Stevens’ solo career got off to a decent start with a No.2 single (‘Sweet Dreams My L.A. Ex’) and a Top 10 album (‘Funky Dory’), but things started to lose focus after the title track follow-up single failed to make the Top 20. Over the next twelve months two further Top 3 singles were released (and subsequently stripped onto the debut album) before work on the follow-up proper began in earnest. Tracks were recorded with Xenomania (Girls Aloud), Richard X (Liberty X, Will Young), Pascal Gabriel (Erasure, S-Express) and Jewels & Stone (5ive, Hear’say, S Club 7). The first two singles (‘Negotiate With Love’ and ‘So Good’) both reached No.10 in the UK during the spring / summer of 2005, but the album release date kept slipping on the Polydor release schedule, until it was finally released in October (following the single ‘I Said Never Again (But Here We Are)’ peaking at No. 12 on the UK single chart) with limited fanfare (and a launch event at the Walthamstow Dog Racing Track!!!!!). Considering the track records of the writers and producers involved it’s hard to see why the album failed to ignite in a fairly desolate pop market. All three singles proper (as well as the ‘stripped on’ ‘Some Girls) are perfect examples of the pop-dance, electro-clash sound that was proving so successful for Girls Aloud and album cuts such as the Cure sampling ‘It’s All About Me’, ‘Crazy Boy’ & ‘I Will Be There’ are as good as anything released by Kylie in the last 10 years.

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 1.35%

5 – Nicola Roberts – Cinderellas Eyes – Oct 2011

UK Chart position: No. 17 – 3 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 19,782

At some point in the extended Girls Aloud hiatus that would last from 2009 until 2012, Nichola Roberts realised that the shoes and handbags weren’t going to pay for themselves and she needed to pull her finger out and start a solo career.  Deciding to take a more experimental approach and avoid the assembly line writing / production style employed by Girls Aloud’s key musical collaborators, Xenomania, she began writing and recording in exploratory studio sessions with producers such as Dragonette (who had just scored an international hit with Martin Solveig on ‘Hello’ , Diplo (M.I.A. , Beyonce)  and Joseph Mount (Metronomy, Kate Nash). Critically acclaimed and lauded in the UK music press, the resulting album is contemporary sounding and unexpectedly lyrically confessional.  In equal parts ambitiously experimental and palatably commercial. Prior to release, producer Diplo removed samples from lead single ‘Beat Of My Drum’ to use in (presumably better paying client) Beyonce’s ‘Run The World (Girls)’, her subsequent album ‘4’ went on to sell over 600,000 copies in the UK.

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 0.95%

6 - Richard X – Richard X Presents His X Factor Volume 1 – Sep 2003

UK Chart position: No.31 – 4 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 23,246

Starting out as an underground bootleg DJ /producer, Richard Philips, gained notoriety under the pseudonym Girls On Top, creating genre defining mash-up  "We Don't Give a Damn About Our Friends", which was a mash-up of  Adina Howard’s ‘Freak Like Me’ and Tubeway Army’s’ ‘Are ‘Friends’ Electric’. Having achieved massive commercial success with the Sugababes re-recording of this track, now just called ‘Freak  Like Me’,  Virgin Records signed Richard X as an artist and he started work on his ambitious debut album. Featuring several collaborating guest vocalists, cover versions, mash-ups and original material, the album is hard to define or categorise. Pure pop collaborations with Liberty X and Kelis delivered two Top 10 singles (‘Being Somebody’ a mash-up of The Human League’s ‘Being Boiled’ and Rufus & Chaka Khan’s ‘Ain’t Nobody’ and ‘Finest Dreams’ a mix of The S.O.S. Band’s ‘The Finest’ and The Human League’s ‘The Things That Dreams Are Made Of’) and album tracks feature a diverse list of guest vocalists including Pulp front-man, Jarvis Cocker, ‘Popstars – The Rivals’ shock evictee, Javine, Soul II Soul legend, Caron Wheeler and ultra-hip DJ (soon to be pop artist), Annie.  Overall it’s a giddy rollercoaster ride of disco-ball illuminated electro-pop-dance, offering a sneaky glimpse into the near future of pop music.

 Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 1.15%

7 – Saint Etienne – Words & Music By Saint Etienne – Sep 2012

UK Chart position: No 26 – 4 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 13,112

In late 2012 Saint Etienne were at a bit of a crossroads. The bands last few collections of new material had seem them slowly slipping from chart mainstays to cult status artists with an extremely loyal fan-base, while suffering the sales dip that comes with such a slide. Universal Records were marking the end of an on-going re-issue programme, which had seen the band heavily involved in the compiling and overseeing of deluxe double CD editions of their back catalogue, with the release of the ‘Casino Classics’ box-set. This 4 CD collection of the bands remixes and re-working is a brilliant reminder of their place in the history of dance culture.  All this looking back seems to have had an effect on the overall feel of their next project. ‘Words & Music By Saint Etienne’ is practically a concept album charting and celebrating the bands enduring love of all things pop, club culture and the nostalgia evoked by music at its most powerful. ‘I’ve Got Your Music’ authentically recreates and celebrates the relentless positivity of the Stock Aiken Waterman Hit Factory production-line at its peak, the anticipation and excitement of early live experiences are explored in ‘Tonight’ and ‘DJ’ perfectly captures the exhilaration and escapism of staying out late, clubbing and worshiping at the alter of The Superstar DJ.  The accompanying live shows to support the album saw the band suitably revitalised and euphoric.

By far their most complete and accomplished collection in over a decade.

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 0.65%

8 – Robyn – Body Talk – Jun 2010 / Sep 2010

Part  1 - UK Chart position: No 47 – 4 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 24,525

Part  2 - UK Chart position: No 38 – 2 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 16,256

Part  3 - UK Chart position: No 168 – 2 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 20,066

Robin Miriam Carlsson had found success as a teenager, signing to RCA Records at sixteen and working with in-demand pop producer Max Martin, on UK breakthrough hit ‘Show Me Love’ (No. 8 in 1998). Within a year, Martin would turn Britney Spears into an internationally successful pop icon with ‘Baby...One More Time’. Robyn was ambitious but determined not to be manipulated by her record company and moulded into the manufactured Pop Princess that was soon to be Spears’ fate.  Thus began a half decade long journey of experimentation and& the eventual setting-up of her label, Konichiwa Records. In July 2007 the single ‘With Every Heartbeat’ hit No.1 in the UK and the subsequent self-titled album reached No.11.  The album was a moderate success, but never managed to fully capitalise on the success of the number one single. It was decided that her next project needed to reflect the changes in the public’s purchasing habits, embracing the cherry picking of tracks rather than the downloading of complete albums. The ‘Body Talk’ album would be  staggered, with two ‘bite-sized’ mini-albums and a third ‘full’ album acting as round-up of the previous two albums with a few new tracks, released between June and September 2010. Of all the titles on this list, the lack of mainstream commercial success for the ‘Body Talk’ albums is the most baffling. With an air of cool credibility, key tracks such as ‘Dancing On My Own’, ‘Indestructible’ and ‘Hang With Me’ pre-date (or plough a similar furrow to) the likes of Rihanna’s ‘We Found Love’, Pink’s ‘Raise Your Glass’ or Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) all of which have  enjoyed massive international success.

All three albums Sales combined compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 3.0%

9 – Natalie Imbruglia – Come To Life – No official UK Release

UK Chart position: Did not place on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: 2,362

Former soap actress Natalie Imbruglia built a hugely prosperous pop career spanning 10 years largely due to the all encompassing success of her debut single ‘Torn’ and its parent album ‘Left Of The Middle’. By 2006 Imbruglia had all but abandoned her music career to concentrate on acting. But when her Oscar for ‘Johnny English’ failed to materialise, a proposed comeback album was conceived during the promotion of the ‘Glorious: Greatest Hits’ collection. Tracks recorded over a three year period, included collaborations with Chris Martin, Coldplay and Brian Eno. The resulting album showcases a more sophisticated song-writing style within many varied sonic landscapes – including driving beats and dark atmospherics. In the UK, Imbruglia’s new label Island Records promoted ‘Want’ as the first single but when the single failed to penetrate the Top 100 singles chart the album release was cancelled. Subsequent attempts to licence the album to other UK labels were fruitless as negotiations proved ‘difficult’ and the album was never given an official UK release.

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 0.12%

10 – Roisin Murphy – Overpowered – Oct 2007

UK Chart position: No.20 – 10 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 62,954

As lead singer with under-appreciated dance/electro/trip-hop duo, Moloko, Murphy had tasted internationally success with ‘Sing It Back’ (No.4 in September 1999) and the subsequent ‘Things To Make & Do’ album (No. 3 in April 2000). The groups label had allowed her to take the time she needed to produce a ‘whenever it’s ready’ solo album, before asking her to re-consider the direction she was moving in and produce something a little more ‘radio friendly’ – she refused. ‘Ruby Blue’ was released in June 2005 to mostly positive reviews, but failed to find a wide audience. When she signed to EMI in May 2006 she stated that she intended to record a much more commercially accessible pop album with a strong disco flavour. While it’s hardly Sister Sledge’s ‘We Are Family’, it’s pretty much ‘mission accomplished’. Tracks such as ‘You Know Me Better’ and ‘Movie Star’ prowl the sleazy underground clubs of 1970’s San Francisco, creating a throbbing electro-pulse soundtrack, nodding to Giorgio Moroder’s Kraftwerk inspired euro-disco, evoking Grace Jones’ post Studio 54, performance artist, cultish sophistication and adding sly winks to Sylvester and Cerrone’s campy,  flamboyant, chemically enhanced, gay abandon.  Only one single managed to break the UK Top 40 singles chart (‘Let Me Know’ No. 28). This album is by far the biggest seller on my list...but still only manages the following rating on the ‘Emeli Sande Scale’:

Sales compared to Emeli Sande’s ‘Our Version Of Events – 3.1%

See also:

11 – Win – Uh Tears Baby – Apr 1987

UK Chart position: No 51 – 1 week on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: unknown

Rising from the ashes of Scottish cult art-rockers, The Fire Engines (no pun intended), Win grabbed the attention of corporate sponsors (a massively influential McEwan’s Lager commercial featured their ‘nearest hit’ track ‘You’ve Got The Power’) but found little commercial success. The dizzying mix of electronic sequencing, glam beats and crushing power chords, layered with lyrics that cast a satirical and often humorous eye on popular culture and early ‘80’s politics, contained in such songs as ‘Un-American Broadcasting’ and ‘Shampoo Tears’, pre-date the likes of Jesus Jones and Pop Will Eat Itself who achieved widespread acclaim and fairly decent sales by the end of the same decade.

12 – Ladyhawke – Anxiety – Jun 2012

UK Chart position: No 36 – 2 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 10,987

New Zealand born ‘Pip’ Brown achieved a degree of commercial success with her eponymous debut album in 2008, following critical acclaim for her ‘Paris Is Burning’ and ‘My Delirium’ tracks. Her follow-up should have seen her move onto the next level. Record company wrangles saw the album’s released pushed back from the October 2011 to June 2012 and with no hit singles, ‘Anxiety’ came and went within a fortnight.

  

13 – Tracie – Far From The Loving Kind – Jun 1984

UK Chart position: No 64 (original release) – 1 week on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 1,182 (Cherry Red re-issue)

Discovered when she answered an ad in Smash Hits placed by Paul Weller during a search to find artists for his fledgling Respond label, Tracie went on to sing backing vocals on both the last single by The Jam (‘Beat Surrender’) and the first by The Style Council (‘Speak Like A Child’) before launching her own career with ‘The House That Jack Built’ – a No.9 hit in 1983 written by her Respond label mates, Scottish indie poppers, The Questions. Despite production and song-writing assistance from Weller and Elvis Costello, none of the other singles from her debut album made the Top 20 and the album was released with little fanfare.

14 – Shaznay Lewis – Open – Jul 2004

UK Chart position: No 22 – 6 weeks on UK album chart – cumulative UK sales: 31,552

After co-writing some of All Saints biggest hits (including the number one singles ‘Never Ever’ and ‘Pure Shores’), Lewis looked set for solo stardom when the band split under a cloud of money disputes and a fight over who would wear a certain jacket during a photo-shoot...good to see that it wasn’t anything trivial then girls! Her first single, ‘Never Felt Like This Before’ peaked at No.9, but the album failed to make the Top 20 and a follow-up single stalled outside the Top 40 singles chart.

15 – Sia – Some People... -

UK Chart position: 106 – 5 weeks on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: 30,257

Before she became the number one songwriter on everyone’s speed dial, Sia Kate Isobelle Furler was a struggling singer-songwriter who had been chipping away at the music industry for more than a decade. While a fluke Top 10 single (‘Taken For Granted’) in 2000 has yet to be matched as a solo performer, she has written massive hit songs for Rihanna (‘Diamonds’), Lea Michelle (‘Cannonball’), Ne-Yo (‘Let Me Love You’) and Celine Dion (‘Love Me Back To Life’) as well as collaborating with Flo Rida (‘Wild Ones’) and David Guetta (‘She Wolf’ and the No.1 single ‘Titanium’).

16 – The Pipettes – We Are the Pipettes – Jul 2006

UK Chart position: No 41 – 6 weeks on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: 31,562

Formed as ‘an experiment in manufactured pop’ by indie singer-songwriter Robert Barry (Monster Bobby) to showcase an updated twist on the Phil Spector girl-group wall-of-sound, the girl’s line-up employed a revolving door policy second only to The Sugababes. A couple of extremely catchy singles (‘Pull Shapes’, ‘You’re Kisses Are Wasted On Me’) saw them crack the UK Top 40, but there was no momentum into the album release and after a respectable six week chart run the band failed to trouble the UK chart compilers again.

17 – Tracey Thorn – Out Of the Woods – Mar 2007

UK Chart position: No 38 –4 weeks on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: 25,800

As one half of Everything But The Girl, Thorn had her fair share of success and world-wide acclaim, but her post-EBTG solo efforts have had been largely ignored by the band’s broader audience. Produced by dance producer and remixer Ewan Pearson, the album mutated from (as Thorn herself described it) a “quick little record, a little bit acoustic, a little bit dance” into a full-on, pop masterpiece.

18 – Paul Haig – Rhythm of Life – Oct 1983

UK Chart position: No 82 – 2 weeks on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: unknown

After his stint as lead singer with Scottish Indie darlings Josef K, this was Haig’s debut solo album and hopes were high. Signed as a solo artist to Island records and packed off to New York with Alex Sadkin (fresh from his success producing Grace Jones, The Thompson Twins and Duran Duran) the resulting album is an early ‘80’s classic. Unfortunately reviews pitched Haig as falling catastrophically between two stools – the slick dance/pop sound was considered too commercial to be taken seriously by his Josef K fan base and slightly too cutting edge and ahead of it’s time for the pure pop, New Romantic crowd.

19 – Annie – Don’t Stop

UK Chart position: 126 – 1 week on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: 4,069

Similar to Ladyhawke, Annie had become an indie/pop/dance darling after making the largely unprecedented move from DJ to recording artist with her ‘Anniemal’ debut in 2004 – including underground smash, ‘Chewing Gum’.  Now signed to Island Records, the second album was recorded, including collaborations with man-of-the-moment Richard X, Girls Aloud hitmakers Xenomania and future Adele producer Paul Epworth. Unfortunately the label didn’t like what they heard and declined to release the album. It was eventually issued on an independent label over a year later.

20 – Gossip – A Joyful Noise – May 2012

UK Chart position: No 47– 2 weeks on UK Album Chart – cumulative UK sales: 12,541

Sony Music had signed Beth Ditto and her band after their breakthrough hit ‘Standing In The Way Of Control’ only for the next album, ‘Music For Men’, to land with a fairly heavy thud in 2009 - everywhere except Germany that is – the first single release, ‘Heavy Cross’, becoming one of the biggest selling songs in German history, enjoying a record breaking 82 weeks in the Top 100 Singles Chart.  Their success on mainland Europe guaranteed them another bite of the cherry and the next album would see them collaborate with Xenomania and saw them cross the line into pure pop. No-one in the UK seemed to care! The album failed to break the UK Top 40 and none of the singles even charted. The album was however a substantial hit abroad, hitting the Top 5 in Austria, France and Germany, while going all the way to No.1 in Switzerland. 

MY 2013 MOVIE TOP 20

Due to my ongoing ‘unemployability issues’, I spent a lot of 2013 drowning my sorrows in gallons of visual treats at the local Cineworld (and Waterloo IMAX). I saw 127 different movies on the big screen and here is my pick of the best 20, a few honourable mentions and the worst 10 films I saw this year. Dim the lights...

No.20 - The Impossible

Despite controversy involving the switching of the protagonist family’s nationality from book to film adaptation and criticism that suggested that by focusing on a some wealthy, white tourists the filmmakers had belittled the devastation endured by thousands of Thailand natives who suffered (or lost their lives) during the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, I found Juan Antonio Bayona’s film extremely respectful and moving. Both Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts give solid and affecting performances – to be administered liberally as a reminder of Watts’ acting chops immediately after any viewing of ‘Diana’ – and the fifteen year-old lead, Tom Holland, gives an emotionally charged performance that belies his age, reminiscent of Christian Bale’s introductory turn in Spielberg’s underrated masterpiece, ‘Empire of the Sun’.

No.19 - Blue Jasmine

Many critics raved that ‘Blue Jasmine’ would be hailed as “the biggest Woody in years” - ironically this was, word-for-word, Woody Allen’s diary entry for the first night he met Soon-Yi, Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter – while others proclaimed that Cate Blanchett’s performance saw her “penetrating deeply into a profoundly troubled woman” – bizarrely this was also ‘The National Enquirer’ headline the day after Allen’s relationship with Soon-Yi went public. Joking aside, while many claimed this was not a ‘classic’ Woody Allen film, overpowered by an Oscar worthy performance from Blanchett, I think the film had a lot more going for it than her admittedly powerful portrayal of a woman on the verge. Riffing freely on ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ and feeling more ‘contemporary’ and ‘relevant’ than anything Allen has written or directed since his 70’s/80’s heyday, this is a solid addition to Allen’s filmography.

No.18 - Nebraska

I’ve spent a fair bit of time with Alexander Payne in my head this year – no, this is not my sad admission of some bizarre mid-life crisis, ageing filmmaker fetish – he directed ‘The Descendants’ starring Shailene Woodley, whom I’ve spent a good few months researching for ‘The Book’ (available to pre-order on Amazon now and in all good bookshops March 2014). ‘Nebraska’ is a typically low-key, but powerful film. It is (surprisingly) funny and moving, with great performances from Bruce Dern, Will Forte and especially June Squibb as Dern’s, ‘I’m only truth-telling’, no-filter spouce.

No.17 - The Bling Ring

So unbelievable it really needs the ‘based on true events’ message to run along the bottom of the screen throughout the film, Sofia Coppola’s fifth film as director tells the story of an infamous group of Californian teenagers who went on a year-long breaking and entering spree through the Hollywood Hills homes of the rich and famous in 2008. Satirical and playful, but using some real court transcripts and dialog lifted from interviews with the actual teens, the film doesn’t try to manipulate the audience into feeling sorry for the ‘poor little rich kids’ and equally refuses to judge their actions. Some great work from a cast of, predominately, newcomers, with a special mention for a stand-out performance from Emma Watson. Awesome! Who knew!

No.16 - One Direction - This Is Us (3D)

I grew up on the outskirts of Edinburgh and as a curious teenager I recall, during my many exploratory visits into the city centre, seeing an old, run down, porno cinema called La Scala Electric – still showing lurid looking XXX films well into the early 1980’s. The front of the building had an intoxicatingly dangerous and grubby allure and everyone had a vague idea of what went on there (although you never saw anyone actually entering or leaving). Now I was never brave enough to attempt to buy a ticket or sneak into a screening of the big porno hits of the time (‘Raiders of the Licked Arse’, ‘9 to 5 Inches’, ‘On Golden Showers’ - I’m guessing here, but I’ll bet they all exist), but I’m assuming it would have felt something akin to how I felt buying a ticket to see ‘One Direction – This Is Us’. I can also only assume that the experience would have had a similarly life affirming effect – okay, maybe not. I’m a big fan of shows like ‘X Factor’ and ‘American Idol’ but I tend to lose interest in most of the music and artists these shows create. I had no strong opinion either way about One Direction. ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ is a near perfect slice of post-‘Glee’ pop and the singles from their new album show a savvy understanding of the need for boy bands to tailor their material for (as well as mature at the same rate as) their (predominately female) fan base. But nothing could have prepared me for how much I loved this movie. Aside from the obligatory, scream inducing, spare pair of pant necessitating concert footage, the film gives the viewer a rare insight into what it’s really like to walk on stage to face a massive arena crowd – you are reminded that these ‘pop idols’ are actually ‘just kids’, their nerves are sometimes (understandably) palpable and it has more than a passing resemblance to the ‘in the thick of battle’ opening scenes from ‘Saving Private Ryan’. The strongest impression you are left with is that despite the obvious perks that come with the success, the inevitability of the band’s ‘moment in the sun’ ending means the schedule is relentless and the work-load extreme, there is also real heartbreak for the parents who waved goodbye to their teenage sons as they headed off to an ‘X Factor’ audition, only for them to never really come home again. Forget what you think you know, forget the music and enjoy the best concert movie I’ve seen since ‘Stop Making Sense’. Check out the ‘extended fan cut’ of the film that appeared briefly in cinema’s at the end of the theatrical run – presumably with the boy’s ACTUAL fifteen minutes of fan tacked on at the end.

No.15 - Alan Partridge : Alpha Papa

I could never be described as a massive fan of Steve Coogan’s Alan Partridge, but everything I’d seen over the years had made me laugh and I caught the whole of the ‘Mid Morning Matters’ series when it aired on Sky Atlantic in 2012. ‘Alpha Papa’ made me belly-laugh from start to finish - from the lip-synching Roachford drive to the finale shoot-out. The film succeeds in growing the comedy (and the situation) just enough for its transition from TV to cinema (without Alan heading off on a hilarious mishap filled holiday or taking a fish-out-of-water job on an American radio station). Packing more laughs into its ninety minutes running time than every other ‘comedy’ film I saw this year put together, ‘Alpha Papa’ was by far my funniest film of the year.

No.14 - Blackfish

The only ‘normal’ (i.e non-IMAX) film I paid money to see this year – isn’t it funny how the Unlimited card direct debit doesn’t even register as ‘payment’ anymore – and it was worth every penny. Another ‘expose’ type nature documentary (along the same lines as ‘The Cove’) telling the story of one particular Killer Whale (Tilikum), who was involved in the deaths of three individuals during his thirty years in captivity, culminating in the highly publicised death of Dawn Brancheau, one of SeaWorld, Orlando’s most experienced trainers in 2010. With breathtaking library footage of Orca whales in the wild as well as in captivity, expert testimony and contributions from several ex-trainers, the film is thought provoking and informative, without over stressing its agenda.

No.13 - World War Z (3D)

In 2002, after a preview showing of ’28 Days Later’, I was lucky enough to attend a Q&A session with Danny Boyle (Director) and Alex Garland (Screenwriter) where they discussed sections of the first draft script that had failed to make the finished film due to budget restraints. Amongst the scenes they had story-boarded, but never filmed, was an extended sequence where the group of survivors flee England in a jumbo jet (flown by a blind pilot) while hoards of ‘zombies’(or ‘Infected’ as they insisted on calling them) attack the plane, throwing themselves into the engines as it takes off. I’d always wondered what these scenes would have looked like had Boyle and Garland been able to fully realise their vision. Ten years on, I was pleased to see that Marc Forster managed to deliver something of that scale and excitement with his, considerably more expensive, ‘World War Z’. Despite a well documented ‘troubled production’, a completely re-shot ending, criticism concerning its disregard for the source novel and the kind of pre-release scoffing usually reserved for the mega-budget output of James Cameron, Gore Verbinski and Michael Bay, against all the odds, ‘World War Z’ became a $500 million worldwide hit and a sequel has already been green-lit. Marc Foster delivers the best opening set-piece in any film I saw this year – in under ten minutes a cosy family breakfast of pancakes and an everyday school run descends into a full-scale city centre zombie melt-down – and the pace never really lets up, with several nail-biting set-pieces, leading to the Welsh bio-lab set finale. Many reviewers had a problem with this relatively down-beat, ‘tacked-on’ ending, but in retrospect it’s a refreshing alternative to the over-the-top, bombastic, bash-fest final acts of the summer’s big blockbusters (‘Man of Steel’, ‘Wolverine’, ‘Iron Man 3’). Especially effective is the slightly longer blu-ray cut that re-instates some of the films more bloodthirsty moments and lets the film ‘breathe out’ a little.

No.12 - Behind the Candelabra

Michael Douglas and Matt Damon give the performances of their careers in this HBO funded bio-pic – made for TV in the US but given a theatrical release in the UK. The film explores the relationship between Liberace and his long-time companion Scott Thorson – a relationship so twisted and unhealthy it makes Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi look like giddy teenage sweethearts. Steven Soderbergh directs with a great eye for detail and never lets the camp excess seem anything but normal in the pair’s artificially enhanced lifestyle. The real tragedy is that, as a made-for-TV movie, ‘Behind the Candelabra’ and the performances of Douglas, Damon and a scene stealing Rob Lowe, won’t be eligible for the Oscar glory they deserve.

No.11 - Sunshine On Leith

It was with some confusion that I read about a new musical, featuring the songs of The Proclaimers, set in Edinburgh of all places. This was the city in which I was born and raised and despite having its fair share of ‘gay-innuendo’ locations – Arthur’s Seat, The Mound and everyone I know has had a good lick of Edinburgh Rock in their time – I would imagine that San Francisco, New York and Brighton were more appropriate locations to set a musical. Then, when I actually saw the trailer for ‘Sunshine On Leith, I posted on Facebook that I had lost all power of subjective reasoning on the matter, so swept away was I by the views of my beautiful home-town and the strains of The Proclaimers’ ‘Over and Done With’ blasting out on the soundtrack - I couldn’t decide whether the film would be ‘pure-dead-brilliant’ or ‘utter pish’! To be honest, I still don’t know. I started crying from the moment the camera swept up from the Water of Leith into Edinburgh’s city centre and I was emitting full, gulping sobs by the time everyone was “walking 500 miles” (and walking 500 more) on the steps of the Scottish National Gallery. I may be having some sort of patriotism induced mid-life crisis.

No.10 - Good Vibrations

This independent film, which tells the story of Terri Hooley (founder of Belfast’s influential Good Vibrations record store and label), was an unexpected gem. Hooley is credited with bringing punk-rock to Ireland and was instrumental in discovering The Undertones in the late 1970’s. The film is a fairly straight forward, frank and funny re-telling of his few highs and many more lows. I missed Punk by about three years – ’77 was all about ‘Star Wars’ for me and it would be a good couple of years before I became completely transfixed by the charms of Debbie Harry, Thereza Bazar and David Van Day (but that’s another story) – so the real connection to the time, the music or ‘the movement’ are pretty much lost on me, but the scene in which an unsuspecting Hooley gets swept up in the euphoria of his first punk gig had me shedding a few tears as it perfectly encapsulates the energy and power to transform that a passion for music can generate.

No.9 - The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (3D)

Peter Jackson really does know how to put a big budget, large scale adventure film together – the real problem seems to be that he just doesn’t know when to stop. The argument against turning the virtually pamphlet-like ‘The Hobbit’ into nearly nine hours of film is lost on me – the source novel is a separate thing, a starting point. This is ‘Peter Jackson’s – The Hobbit’ and I’m willing to go along for that ride. ‘An Unexpected Journey’ had many flaws – it took too long to really get going, the songs were a self indulgent mistake and the humour in the Troll sequence makes ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’ look like a Noel Coward comedy – but on repeated viewings, I forgave it most of its faults – Trolls! No! But it looks like spending some time with Spielberg making the ‘Tin Tin’ movie has rubbed off on Jackson and the sequel, ‘The Desolation of Smaug’, doesn’t waste much time getting to the point - The point being ‘fun’ and ‘excitement’  - ramping up the action and maintaining a fairly even, steady pace from beginning to end. From the giant spiders of Mirkwood to the empty barrel/river escape from the Elvenking’s prison, ‘Smaug’ is a theme park ride waiting to happen. It’s easy, in the wake of all this spectacle, to overlook that Martin Freeman has, over both movies, delivered a brilliantly textured comic performance as Bilbo Baggins – virtually unrecognisable physically and in tone from his on-going turn as Dr John Watson in ‘Sherlock’ - just one of many great performances in the film- even Orlando ‘Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-Mr-Jackson-I-just-couldn’t-have-done-another-episode-of-Casualty’ Bloom doesn’t let the side down.

No.8 - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

I’m a big fan of ‘The Hunger Games’ books and was more relieved than anything else when the first movie didn’t turn out to be as stilted and creatively underwhelming as the hugely successful (but mostly laugh out loud awful) ‘Twilight’ movies. Gary Ross’s direction gave the first film of the trilogy (saga?) a much edgier, more vibrant and kinetic visual style and Jennifer Lawrence’s Katniss Everdeen instantly achieved a depth and exuded the kind of charisma that Kristen Stewart’s Bella Swan had struggled to reach across five movies. On the down side, Ross had failed to fully convey the less obvious elements of the Katniss/Peeta/Gale ‘love triangle’ and in the climax of the film, down-playing  the full extent of Peeta’s injuries and helplessness undermines Katniss’s need to protect him, lowering the dramatic stakes as the characters move into the second film – Peeta is supposed to have lost a leg due to the injuries he has sustained and doesn’t know how to swim as he enters the water-logged arena at the beginning of ‘Catching Fire’. News that the sequel would be directed by someone else was seen as a mixed blessing. With Ross out and Francis Lawrence in, ‘Catching Fire’ spends much of its first half redressing some of the minor niggles I had with the first film – quickly clarifying the fact that Katniss isn’t really that interested in having a romantic relationship with anyone (she’s a little bit busy trying to stay alive and sparking a revolution thank you very much!), forcing home the importance of the ‘fake’ couple she has created with Peeta in order to maintain their place in The Capital’s affections, as well as showing the reality of Peeta’s ‘unrequited love’. Stripped of most of the first films tabloid baiting ‘kids killing kids’ premise, ‘Catching Fire’ is a much more straight forward action adventure with several obstacles to overcome before its explosive conclusion. The success of the first film ensured that ‘Catching Fire’, with almost twice the budget, would deliver bigger and better special effects and set-pieces. Time will tell if this second instalment will become the definitive ‘Hunger Games’ movie – It seems unlikely that the comparatively ‘doomy’, down-beat and positively grim final act of ‘Mockingjay’ will be selling many ‘Subway’ happy meals. Like ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, the other great ‘middle film’ in a beloved fantasy franchise, ‘Catching Fire’ ends under a cloud of uncertainty - one of our heroes is similarly captured and imprisoned and, in a startling final moment, with a dramatic close-up on the face of a rescued Katniss, we see her expression change, showing her ultimate realisation of what has happened and what she must become – she must take on the mantle, and embracing the role, of the ‘Mockingjay’.  21^st November 2014 can’t come fast enough!

No.7 - The Way, Way Back

Following in a long tradition of disillusioned teens in coming-of-age movies that includes ‘The Graduate’, ‘Stand By Me’ and more recently, ‘Adventureland’ and ‘The Perks Of Being A Wallflower’, ‘The Way, Way Back’ was both funny and charming in equal measure. Scene-stealing performances from TV ‘superstars’ Steve Carell and Allison Janney threaten to overpower the delicate realism on display from the rest of the cast, but the affection generated by Liam James’ portrayal of Duncan and the life-changing relationships he nurtures with Sam Rockwell’s Owen and the other workers at the local water park, ‘Water Wizz’, are enough to give the film the balance it needs to be truly affecting and uplifting.

No.6 - Captain Phillips

I was lucky enough to see ‘Captain Phillips’ at a London Film Festival screening slightly ahead of its general release and while I’m not sure who I thought actually made up these festival audiences, I was surprised to find out that the crowd, whom I assumed would be the film-watching ‘elite’ – critics, media and ‘real’ film fans – were actually a bigger bunch of twats than the average Cineworld crowd I spend most of my spare time with. In a sold-out cinema, several people arrived long after the film had started and the woman in front of me took THREE separate phone calls during the performance. Despite all this going on I was pretty much gripped from beginning to end by ‘Captain Phillips’. Although the film hits many tried and tested story beats, Paul Greengrass adds layers that ensure you become totally immersed and care enough about the people on both sides of the story. This is the flip-side of every action movie you’ve ever seen – imagine Mike Leigh directing ‘Under Siege’. What pushes this movie into my Top 10 is Tom Hank’s performance. He seems to have lost some ground in the Oscar race, but in the last twenty minutes of the film, Hanks delivers the rawest and most heart-breaking scene I saw this year. Also the best 'add a word/ruin a movie' I came up with this year - 'Captain Mark Phillips'.

No.5 - Philomena

Steve Coogan was definitely ‘having a moment’ in 2013. He not only delivered my comedy of the year (with ‘Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa’) and launched a billion, “tee-hee! He said Bottom” jokes thanks to his voice work on ‘Despicable Me 2’, he also co-wrote and starred, alongside a top-of-her-game Judi Dench, in ‘Philomena’. The subject matter may have already been explored - in the rather darker, more divisive ‘Magdalene Sisters’ – but the charming and smart script packed an emotional punch and more laughs than 95% of the so-called ‘comedies’ I saw this year – well all the ones that didn’t feature Steve Coogan anyway.

No.4 - Before Midnight 

I was more than a little surprised that mid-year an early contender for my film of the year was ‘Before Midnight’, the third instalment of the long gestating relationship saga that I didn’t even know I was waiting for. This is a movie with no special effects, no ‘fast-cut’ editing or emotion prompting score. The takes are long & filled with tightly scripted, but improvised sounding, dialog and it has a main cast of just two actors (Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke) both in their early forties,  neither  of whom (with the greatest respect) would described themselves as A-listers. Maybe it’s the throw-back to Woody Allen at his wise-cracking, relationship analysing best. All I can say is that despite not particularly relating to the characters circumstances or lifestyle, I cared about what happened to them, I laughed (a lot) and the movie delivered my favourite line of dialog this year – Celine is trying to express how difficult it had been raising the couples young daughters alone, while Jesse was away on book tours or writing breaks, resorting to walking the city streets at night with the girls in a double pushchair, trying to lull them to sleep. She recalls an incident when a man tried to attack her, but gave up because she looked ‘so pathetic’ - She says, “That’s the one good thing about being over 35, you don’t get raped so much”.

No.3 - Star Trek : Into Darkness (3D) 

On its initial release, I went to see Star Trek: Into Darkness three times at the cinema and scored it a more than solid 9/10. I described it as “an ‘everything-I-could-possibly-have-wanted’ Star Trek movie”. Proving that JJ’s original ‘Star Trek’ had assembled a near perfect cast, it’s the strength of these actors working individually and in different groupings that really shines in Into Darkness. The deepening friendship and mutual respect that acts as the glue to every Kirk/Spock related Star Trek story is central to Into Darkness and acts as a believable touchstone for the events of the film’s final coda. Don’t get me wrong, I still have problems with that final act – following (but flipping) the final resolution to Wrath of Khan is just the wrong side of ‘affectionate referencing’ for me and I would have been happier if they’d had the confidence in their audience to carry Kirk’s ‘resurrection’ over into film No.3, but to be honest, that’s a small niggle in a mountain of large gold nuggets. The pre-backlash Benedict Cumberbatch adds real weight to, what might be in another’s hands, some fairly over-wrought dialogue – the first prison-cell scene is pitch-perfect and his delivery of the “I will walk over your cold corpses to recover my people” line is chilling and exhilarating in equal measure.

It’s in the script department that Into Darkness really sets itself apart. There are numerous grand-standing speeches and some very quotable lines.

There’s no shortage of edge-of-your-seat set pieces either - The entire Kronos sequence bodes well for Episode VII, riffing as it does on several key Star Wars moments including the Millennium Falcon escape from the exploding Death Star at the end of The Return of the Jedi and the dog-fight escape from Mos Eisely in Star Wars. The warp-speed chase between the ‘Enterprise’ and the ‘Vengeance’ is visually dazzling and, after the finale free-fall from space, the ‘Enterprise’ rising through the clouds might be the ultimate Star Trek ‘money-shot’. 

Best of all is the ‘space jump’ between the two Federation Starships - Exhilarating, tense and a master-class in the use of special effects and sound-design. News of this sequence must have elicited a few beads of cold sweat from Alfonso Cuarón, the director of ‘Gravity’ - considering that his four-years-in-the making, ‘ground-breaking’ and ‘uniquely innovative’ film’s plot hinges on a lengthy sequence that involves his characters ‘space walking’ in a deadly debris field as they try to escape from a destroyed space shuttle to the safety of a nearby space station! I reject the revisionist reviewing that went on during the films DVD/Blu-Ray release and stand by ‘Into Darkness’ as a worthy entry to the ‘Star Trek’ franchise.

No.2 -Oblivion (IMAX)

Joseph Kosinski’s definitely knows something about creating visually compelling and immersive movies, his last film was ‘Tron: Legacy’ – Disney’s flawed but never less than intriguing franchise re-boot – and in ‘Oblivion’ he delivered the most enjoyable slice of non-franchise sci-fi this year. Many dismissed the film as being ‘style over substance’, but with ‘style’ like that I think I can overlook any shortcomings in the ‘substance’ department. Most of the criticism I read was thinly veiled dislike for Tom Cruise, and while Cruise’s days of troubling ‘Award’s Season’ seem to be over, alongside ‘Gravity’ and ‘World War Z’, ‘Oblivion’ was a startling reminder of the value of good old fashioned ‘Star Power’. Cruise, and an excellent Andrea Riseborough, along with top of the range visual design and a great score from M83 (also my favourite soundtrack of the year) elevate a fairly well-trodden premise to become the film I saw more times on the big screen than any other (four) in 2013.

No. 1 – Gravity (IMAX 3D)

 “At 372 miles above the earth, there is nothing to carry sound, no air pressure, no oxygen, life is impossible.” From the first shot of the first trailer it was clear that this was going to be a strong contender for my movie of the year - George and Sandra in space, explosions in space, Hank Williams in space - and the finished film didn’t disappoint. On the surface it’s a fairly old-fashioned edge-of-your-seat fight for survival, but if you want to look closer you might just catch a glimpse of someone exploring the instinctual need we have to make and maintain connections in life - to friends, to colleagues, to family, to our planet and maybe even to God...But with a (refreshingly) short running time, in the end, ‘Gravity’ (thankfully) doesn’t have much time for navel-gazing and what it lacks in plot and insightful dialogue is more than compensated for in its unparalleled visuals and technical complexity. As Billy Bragg (and then Kirsty MacColl) once said, “It's wrong to wish on space hardware”, but I can’t help wishing I’d seen a few more movies that so thoroughly transported me to somewhere I’ve never been before. In a year filled with some incredible visual treats, ‘Gravity’ was undoubtedly a cut above.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS – The Next Ten:

Cloud Atlas

The Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer attempted to bring David Mitchell’s ‘unfilmable’ novel to the big screen and the resulting film is impossible to categorise, frustrating, confusing, bum-numbingly long but never short of fascinating. A visual feast and an unexpected triumph.

Lincoln

The script was a little ‘dry’ for me, but Daniel Day Lewis’s performance was truly mesmerising. I can honestly say it’s the first time I’ve watched a film and had to keep reminding myself that I was watching an actor, not a real person.

In The House

This French psychological comedy is (shockingly) the only foreign language film in my list – unless you count ‘Sunshine On Leith’ which probably was subtitled in one particular Morningside cinema. Surprisingly funny and deliciously twisted.

The Place Beyond The Pines

This year’s biggest surprise in terms of what the film actually delivered compared to what was hinted at in the trailer. More of a family saga than a straight forward crime drama, the film had a lot more to offer than Ryan Gosling’s best performance of the year (sorry Nicholas, If I want two hours of perfume commercials, I’ll watch the ad breaks during ‘The X Factor’ in Christmas week).

Iron Man 3

A minor disappointment – but a triumph in comparison to ‘Wolverine’ and ‘Man of Steel’ – The final sequence is a master-class in big budget, effects heavy, action cinema, which just about makes up for a soggy middle act, a horribly miss-cast child actor and too much Tony Stark (as opposed to Iron Man).

Kick-Ass 2

I almost didn’t see ‘Kick-Ass 2, the reviews being so awful, but was glad I did. Filled with satisfying character development and a welcome continuation of the first film’s off-kilter humour and approach to the super-hero genre, I can almost forgive the shameless inclusion of a truly terrible Union J song.

Enough Said

Fine performances from the late James Gandolfini and the underrated Julia Louis-Dreyfus elevated this gentle, observational comedy. With so much going on, and with such a great supporting cast, this could easily have been extended and re-written as the whole first season of a great sit-com.

Don Jon

Most notable for featuring a Scarlett Johansson performance which has forced ‘A Tony French Opinion U-turn’! Sharp and incredibly funny.

All Is Lost

A perfect companion piece for ‘Captain Philips’ and this virtually dialog free film is a forceful reminder that ‘less can definitely be more’. Someone should pop a note through to Quentin Tarantino!

Le Week-end

A brilliant study in the ebb and flow of affection that occurs in every long-term relationship and great comic performances from Lindsay Duncan, Jim Broadbent and, a scene stealing, Jeff Goldblum.

BOTTOM 10 – THE WORST MOVIES OF 2013

Movie 43

By far the worst thing I saw this year (and when you see some of the others, you will fully understand the depths to which it sinks). Someone, somewhere has a some really juicy dirt on some of Hollywood’s biggest stars – That’s the ONLY explanation for this mess.

Bula Quo!

Not only did I go to see this, it was the World Premiere in Leicester Square! Who says that my social life has taken a hit since I stopped working at hmv? So bad it’s just really, really, really bad. Makes ‘Spiceworld’ look like...no! wait, that’s really awful too....

Runner Runner

The worst ‘real’ movie I saw this year. People spent a long time and money putting this together and it really doesn’t show. Ben Affleck, not so much phoning in a performance, but actually sending it in using Morse code and Timberlake’s dead-eyed stare that counts as emotion is hilarious. The scene in which he faces of with a gang of Puerto Rican mafia thugs is as convincing as watching a rap battle between Daniel O’Donnell and Chuck D.

Diana

Why? There are undoubtedly interesting stories to be told about the life of Diana Spencer, this made-up, sub-Mills and Boone romance isn’t one of them. Poor Naomi Watts! The tsunami was a walk in the paddling pool compared to the mauling she got from the press on this one. Highlight being Watts walking out of an interview with Simon Mayo on the ‘Mayo and Kermode Film Review’ – still available as a podcast and well worth a listen.

Quartet

If you find ‘Antiques Roadshow’ “a bit controversial” and consider “Call The Midwife” ‘real drama’, then this is definitely for you. I, on the other hand, thought it was bloody awful!

Papadopoulos and Sons

A truly mind-numbing British ‘comedy’ that would have been rejected by The Children’s Film Foundation for being ‘too childish’ and ‘unsophisticated’.

Identity Thief

Another tragic miss-use of Melissa McCarthy’s obvious talents – see also ‘The Heat’ – Not funny!

The Host

Low expectations were well and truly met by Stephanie Meyer’s first post-‘Twilight’ offering. Relying heavily on the kind of internal dialog last heard in the ‘Look Who’s Talking’ franchise, this, along with the insipid ‘How I Live Now’, made it a very bad year for (the undoubtedly talented) Saoirse Ronan.

Jack The Giant Slayer

A long and troubled production – I saw a trailer for this in the US as far back as 2011 – this has to be the worst Nicholas Holt film of the year...oh! wait, here comes ‘Warm Bodies’. It lost more than $100 million dollars at the US box-office for Warners and sent poor Bryan Singer scuttling back to the X-Men franchise with something to prove.

A Good Day To Die Hard

Probably the biggest disappointment of the year – the (almost) impeccable ‘Die Hard’ franchise was brought down faster and more devastatingly than an exploding Chinook in this unbelievably dim and nonsensical sequel. Everyone involved should be ashamed – except Jai Courtney ‘cos he’s HOT.

MY MOVIE YEAR - 2013 : THE FULL LIST

2013 has been a fairly eventful year - if I had to make a comparison with any of this years big movie releases it would be 'Man of Steel'. Not because I spent most of the year in red panties and blue leggings, no, I draw this parallel because both started out showing great promise, before descending into a mind numbing, soul destroying mess of chaos and disappointment. Like the film's final coda, which involved the unveiling of Henry Cavill in full 'Clark Kent' get-up, my year also ended on a similarly fleeting, but decidedly more enjoyable, positive note. It's fair to say that the main plus point to being unemployed (unemployable?) is I did have plenty of spare time to see a lot more movies this year - I saw 127 different movies at the cinema (145 before removing multiple viewings) which, thanks to Cineworld's subscription service, works out at a saving of over £1,075 (thank you Unlimited Card - you are, and always will be, my 'Desert Island Discs' luxury item). I'll be posting my 'Best & Worst' lists a little later, but here for now, is the full list of movies I saw this year, in the order I saw them and with scores out of 10.

Film	Score
The Impossible	8
Jack Reacher	8
The Hobbit : An Unexpected Journey : 3D : IMAX	8
Quartet	3
Les Miserable IMAX	9
Gangster Squad	5
Life Of Pi	9
Django Unchained	8
Monsters Inc 3D	7
The Sessions	7
Lincoln	8
Movie 43	1
Flight	6
Zero Dark Thirty	8
Wreck It Ralph 3D	6
Hitchcock	6
Warm Bodies	5
This Is 40	8
A Good Day To Die Hard	4
I Give It A Year	6
Brave	9
Cloud Atlas	8.5
Mama	4
Stoker	6.5
Arbitrage	7.5
Side Effects	7
Oz : The Great & Powerful (3D)	6
Broken	6.5
The Paperboy	7.5
Welcome To The Punch	6
Maniac	6.5
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone	4
Jack The Giant Slayer (3D)	4
Identity Thief	3
Compliance	6
G.I. Joe : Retaliation (3D)	5
Trance	6
Finding Nemo (3D)	8.5
The Host	4
Spring Breakers	7.5
In The House	8
Dark Skies	7
Oblivion (IMAX)	9
Papadopoulos & Sons	3
Jeff Wayne's Musical Version Of 'War Of The Worlds'	7
Olympus Has Fallen	7
The Place Beyond The Pines	8
Evil Dead	6
Good Vibrations	8.5
I'm So Excited	5
Iron Man 3 (3D)	8
The Look Of Love	6
Dead Man Down	7
Star Trek : Into Darkness (3D)	9
Mud	6.5
The Great Gatsby (3D)	7.5
The Hangover : Part III	4.5
The Purge	7
The Stone Roses : Made Of Stone	7
Epic (2D)	5.5
After Earth	5
Byzantium	6.5
The Iceman	6
Behind The Candelabra	8.5
Man Of Steel (3D)	6.5
World War Z (3D)	8
Before Midnight	9
Spike Island	7
Bula Quo!	1.5
Despicable Me 2 (3D)	7
This Is The End	6
Now You See Me	6.5
The Bling Ring	8.5
Pacific Rim (IMAX 3D)	7
The Frozen Ground	6.5
The World's End	8
The Wolverine (3D)	5.5
Blackfish	8.5
The Conjuring	7.5
Only God Forgives	6.5
The Heat	5
Alan Partridge : Alpha Papa	8.5
The Lone Ranger	7
Elysium - Zart Vilag	8
Kick-Ass 2	8
Lovelace	7
The Way, Way Back	9
You're Next	7.5
Jurassic Park 3D (IMAX)	8.5
Diana (World Premiere)	2.5
Riddick	6.5
About Time	8
NT Live : The Audience	8.5
Rush	7
One Direction - This Is Us (3D)	8.5
White House Down	6.5
The Call	6.5
Prisoners	7
Blue Jasmine	8.5
Girl Most Likely	6
Runner Runner	2
Sunshine On Leith	9
How I Live Now	6
Captain Phillips	9.5
Romeo And Juliet	6.5
Le Week-end	9
Enough Said	8
The Spectacular Now (LFF)	7.5
Ender's Game	6
Thor : The Dark World 3D	6.5
Philomena	9
Gravity 3D (IMAX)	9.5
Don Jon	8
In Fear	6.5
The Butler	6.5
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (IMAX)	9
Parkland	6
Saving Mr Banks	8.5
Carrie	5
Gone With The Wind (2013 Remaster)	9.5
Nebraska	8.5
Frozen (3D)	8.5
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa	8
The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug 3D	9
Kill Your Darlings	7.5
All Is Lost	8
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues	6